Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
