somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
