Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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