im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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