She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
