Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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