Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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