I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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