maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
