can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
