so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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