I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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