Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
