You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
