At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
God, I missed his penis.
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