He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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