Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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