Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
