Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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