Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
