Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
