Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize