Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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