how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
