you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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