I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
