She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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