I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
