whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
