just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
