well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
