VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
