The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize