just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
