i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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