I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
