just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You made out with two different species that night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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