i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
