note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
