can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
