Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
