If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
