Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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