I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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