I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
