It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
