totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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