He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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