He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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