I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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