Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
