I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Randomize
