I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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