Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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