In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
