dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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