Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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