Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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