went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
