can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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