you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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