wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
