Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
