I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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