how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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