If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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