I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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