I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
