I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize