the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
