Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
