woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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