I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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