i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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