Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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