I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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