You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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