i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my sisters under your porch take her home
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
