guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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